The Final Post

For this post we have to answer a set of predetermined questions about the experience as an individual and as a group. For me, as an Individual, I feel I learned some new skills that would be essential for continuing a career as a modeller but I fear that I didn’t really learn much else. I feel kind of stagnant in this way. Like I want to be moving onward at this point, but I feel like there isn’t much moving that’s going to be happening in the next year. I think the most surprising thing this semester is how infuriating it has been. I feel like I was doing better as a solo student then I ever have done in a group setting and part of that is scary. It makes me want to rethink this path I’m on, even though I feel like it’s “almost” over, but really this is just the beginning. This is it, for the rest of the career and to be honest, that’s frightening. I feel like I could be proud about my models that I’ve made but really, I’m just proud to have survived. It’s been a warzone for a few weeks now and it feels like it only gets worse as the days tick by. The one thing I want to improve on is being able to communicate with people who don’t communicate back. The one way communication road is rough for me because I am a reactionary person. I get feedback and I change it, but then I get feedback about the feedback and it’s totally different. I’m not a mind reader, but these people expect me to be. Then They say I don’t communicate enough when this is the first time I’m hearing anything about it. It deteriorated the trust I had with anyone on the team and it just makes it hard to get up every day.

I think for a while, we just brushed everything aside, “we’ll fix it later” but that never works. Push the dirt under the rug enough and eventually, you’ll trip. I think we just fell down three flights of stairs. Some survived and brushed it all off as nothing. The “We’ll fix it later” crew of the group. Others never recovered. We’ve made great progress on the story and getting things in place but at what cost? members are having mental breakdowns on the most minor of critiques and need to go home for the day. We pushed so hard to get to “an end” I fear now we might not be sane enough to see it through to The End. But maybe it’s just the senioritis kicking in, maybe it’s burnout already. I don’t know anymore, but whatever it is, it feels like going through the motions and that, THAT, scares me the most.